Each time another problem has come down in the past two years I first get shocked. Then I move to action. While my logical brain calculates, rage, despair, fear and sadness fill  the cracks of my breaking heart.

I am not particularly pleasant to be around unless I am putting on my bravado show. My bravado makes a sound that could be either laughing maniacally or  chanted keening. My bravado dances to Tom Petty's "Refugee" and Bette Midler's "Beast of Burden." 

Grace comes when the tears begin to fall.

I pull myself up. I line my eyes blue and wear orange and green.

I lift heavy weights and dig in the soil without wearing gloves.

I give thanks for every possible thing I can think of like having indoor plumbing and eyes that see.

Friends and Music  save me from a bitterness that could destroy me if I don't remain vigilant.